As holiday celebrations approach, many families find themselves grappling with the prospect of political discussions at the dinner table. In an election year, emotions can run high over topics such as the economy, global conflicts, and the outcomes of November 5th. Political divisions often extend into family dynamics, affecting adults and children alike during gatherings. Whether you identify as apolitical, Republican, Democrat, or undecided, having a plan to navigate political conversations can help create a joyful and peaceful holiday season.
As families begin to make plans for holiday celebrations, concerns may begin to creep in about managing political disagreements with family members. Afterall it is an election year, so lingering sentiments about the outcome of the election, the economy, conflict on the global stage, and other topics are likely to be on people’s minds past November 5th. The rate of division we are seeing in the nation is also experienced among many families, couples, and friends. Such discord can affect everyone at the holiday celebrations, children and adults alike. Whether you are apolitical, republican, democrat, or undecided, creating a plan for navigating political conversations can aid in creating a joyful and peaceful holiday season.
How to Set Boundaries for Political Conversations During the Holidays
The holidays come with their own set of stressors, from disrupted routines to the pressures of hosting. Adding political debates into the mix can escalate tension, especially when family members are already overwhelmed. Setting clear boundaries is key to maintaining harmony.
The first step is to check in with yourself. Holidays bring stress whether it be from changes in your routine, children being home on winter break, or the tension produced from the various tasks you undertake while preparing for house guests. Your tolerance for additional worry or stressors is likely low. And if you are feeling overwhelmed, odds are your family member across the table feels similarly. If people are stressed, tired, or intoxicated the risk of political conversations quickly becoming heated and hurtful increases. It is entirely in your right to say I do not have the emotional capacity or headspace to take on political conversations this year. Here are some tips for setting such boundaries successfully.
Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries and Redirecting Holiday Political Debates
Prepare Diversion Topics
Write down a list of topics to divert political discussions should they arise. If your uncle should make a political side comment and you want to diffuse the situation before it begins, you will already have a topic or question at the ready.
Find a Support System:
Identify a family member you can lean on. Boundary setting does not have to be done alone. Pick a cousin, nephew, or sibling that you can hang out with at the party that will hold the greatest potential for a safe and fun evening.
Focus on Family Activities:
Making the holidays about the children is another way to divert focus off politics. It’s hard to talk about politics when you are building a Lego winter village with your kids, nieces, or nephews. Create a list of fun activities that can be done independently, with children, or all together as a family.
Holiday Activities to Keep the Focus on Fun
Playing in the snow or building a snowman
Going sledding or ice skating
Baking holiday treats
Holiday crafts such as cutting out snowflakes or making holiday cards
Garland making contest
Reading holiday children’s books
Board games
Holiday themed charades or Pictionary
Watching holiday movies
Hold a winter scavenger hunt
Share favorite family holiday memories or pictures from previous years’ celebrations
Take Breaks When Needed
If you need to take a walk, take a walk. Remaining calm and grounded is a vital piece to enjoying this holiday season. If you feel overwhelmed, step away briefly. Going outside, checking on the food in the kitchen, calling a friend to wish them happy holidays are a few examples of ways you can briefly step away from the stressful context. If you cannot remove yourself from the situation, deep controlled breathing or the 5-4-3-2-1 calming technique (see image) are two helpful calming strategies that can be used privately in the moment.
Managing Stress with the 5-4-3-2-1 Technique
If tensions rise, try this grounding exercise:
Identify 5 things you can see.
Name 4 things you can touch.
Listen for 3 things you can hear.
Acknowledge 2 things you can smell.
Focus on 1 thing you can taste.
This simple technique can help you stay calm and centered during challenging moments.
Engaging in Political Conversations Thoughtfully
If you anticipate that politics will be brought up regardless of your attempts to focus your attention on all things holiday, or if you wish to engage in political debates, the following section will provide some general guiding principles to best approach discussion of divisive topics with family. Attempting to change a family members’ opinions may quickly become fraught while more meaningful conversations can be achieved by orienting the discussion towards gaining a greater understanding of each other’s values. Rather than discussing specific statistics or presidents, ask each other open-ended questions about the origins of the beliefs or guiding principles.
Questions to Encourage Respectful Political Discussions at Family Gatherings
When did this issue first become important to you?
Why do you think the topic is more important to you than others?
What life experience have brought you to align with this opinion?
These questions should be paired with active listening. Maintaining eye contact, speaking in a normal volume, open body language, and not talking over each other are communication strategies that indicate your willingness to hear others and engage in the conversation. Before constructing a rebuttal and responding with your own remarks, reflect on the point of view your family member has expressed. Paraphrase or restate what they have said before moving to the next point to demonstrate that you are listening to them and ask clarifying questions if needed.
Using “I-Statements” to Express Yourself
I-statements are a great way to express how you are feeling in the moment without placing blame or producing defensiveness in the listener. For example, if people begin to talk over each other and you say, “You keep cutting me off,” the reflexive response would be “No I am not” in one’s defense. Instead try saying “I feel like I am not being heard when I am unable to complete my thought.” This formulation allows you to clearly state how you are feeling and why without criticisms or blame.
Active listening provides the opportunity for a productive political conversation and finding common ground with family members based on shared experiences, core life values, or interests. Remember, even if you enter a political debate, you can always remove yourself from the conversation if you get overwhelmed. If a family member wishes to leave a conversation with you, respect the boundary they have set.
Ending The Conversation
Conclude political discussions with a moment of self-reflection to identify some things you love or respect about the family member you disagree with. Accepting that no one will agree on everything, even if you are members of the same party, is the primary step to managing interfamilial political divides. Following these tips can help model mutual respect and understanding for the next generation of voters sitting at the kid’s table.
Fostering Harmony and Respect Amid Holiday Discussions
Navigating political conversations during the holidays can be challenging, but with preparation, boundary-setting, and a focus on empathy, you can create a more harmonious environment. Remember, the goal isn’t to win debates but to preserve relationships and enjoy the season together.
For more tips on managing family dynamics and navigating challenging conversations, reach out to Ebb & Flow Psychological Associates.
FAQs About Managing Political Conversations During Holidays
How can I stop political arguments at the holiday dinner table?
Set boundaries, redirect conversations, and focus on shared family activities like games or baking.
How do I respond if someone brings up politics during a holiday gathering?
What if someone keeps bringing up politics despite the boundaries?
How can I prepare for unexpected political comments?
Should I avoid family gatherings to steer clear of political debates?
What if I’m the one who wants to discuss politics?
Can I mediate a political debate without taking sides?
References
Cusumano, K. (2024, November 1). Help! My family can’t stop fighting about politics.
When families disagree on candidates, kids can get caught in the middle. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/01/magazine/family-politics-arguments.html
Gordon, A. M., Luciani, M., & From, A. (2024). I love you but I hate your politics: The role of political dissimilarity in romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspi0000467
Lyon, A. (n.d.). 5 Principles for Talking Politics with Friends and Family. CTRI Crisis & Trauma Resource Institute. https://ctrinstitute.com/blog/talking-politics/.
Watson, R. (2024, October 28). Election angst and its aftermath in relationships: Couples and families may need to heal from lingering election strife. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/with-love-and-gratitude/202410/election-angst-and-its-aftermath-in-relationships
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