Pregnancy loss is a heartbreaking experience that many parents silently endure. As many as 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage (defined as a loss before the 20th week of pregnancy), and 1 out of 175 pregnancies end in stillbirth (defined as a loss after the 20th week of pregnancy).
Understanding the Emotional Impact of Pregnancy Loss
Grieving a pregnancy loss can be an overwhelming and isolating experience. Pregnancy losses are often sudden and unexpected, and, in many cases, the cause of miscarriages and stillbirths is unknown, which can complicate parents’ grief. Additionally, pregnancy loss is not always socially recognized or acknowledged in the same way as other types of losses. Not understanding the depth of the loss, friends, family, and medical professionals may expect parents’ grief to be brief, which can leave parents feeling isolated as they grieve the hopes and dreams they had for their child in silence.
The Mental and Emotional Effects of Pregnancy Loss
Pregnancy loss affects each parent differently, and there are a range of responses that parents can experience following a pregnancy loss.
Psychological Impacts of Pregnancy Loss
The impact of pregnancy loss is not a linear experience, and it’s normal for parents to experience a range of emotions that come and go over time. This can include:
Shock and Denial: Parents may initially struggle to process the loss, especially if there were no signs that anything was wrong or the cause of the pregnancy loss is unknown
Confusion: The sudden and unexpected nature of pregnancy loss can leave parents feeling unsure of what to do and how to move forward
Sadness: Parents can become tearful when confronted with reminders of the loss
Isolation: Parents may withdraw from friends and family, feeling like others do not fully understand the depth of the loss
Guilt and Self-Blame: Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for parents to blame themselves, even when the loss was entirely out of their control
Disappointment and Anger: Parents may become angry at their bodies, medical staff, and the situation as a whole
Jealousy and Frustration: Parents may feel jealous or frustrated when they see others’ pregnancy announcements, pregnant women, or babies following the loss
Parents can also experience recurring thoughts of the baby, repetitive dreams of the baby, difficulty making decisions, a sense of inadequacy and failure about being unable to protect the baby, and trouble concentrating while grieving a pregnancy loss.
Physical Symptoms After Pregnancy Loss
After a pregnancy loss, parents can also experience physical symptoms. This can include:
Feeling “empty”
Tightness in the chest
Fatigue and Exhaustion
Behavioral Changes After Pregnancy Loss
Behaviorally, parents may experience:
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty completing daily activities
Social withdrawal
Avoidance
How to Cope With Pregnancy Loss: Healing Strategies for Parents
Each parent’s journey of coping with a pregnancy loss is different. Finding effective coping strategies can help parents start to process and navigate their loss.
Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
There’s no set timetable for grieving a pregnancy loss - everyone experiences grief at their own pace. Be patient and allow yourself the time and space to process your emotions.
Be Kind to Yourself: Practice Self-Compassion and Self-Care
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for parents to experience self-criticism following a pregnancy loss. Remember to be kind to yourself and refrain from being your harshest critic. Practicing self-compassion, such as speaking to yourself with kindness and empathy, can reduce emotional distress and help you better navigate the grief process. It’s also important to take time to take care of yourself. Prioritize self-care, eat healthy meals, get the rest you need, and set aside time for mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing.
Use Creativity as an Emotional Outlet
Some parents may find that engaging in creative activities can help them cope with pregnancy loss. Activities such as journaling, painting, drawing, and music can help parents process their feelings, find meaning, and honor their loss. For additional information on the benefits of creativity, check out our blog post on art-based wellness.
Ask For Support and Build a Support System
Having a solid support network can be incredibly helpful for parents grieving a pregnancy loss. Tell your family and friends how they can best support you - let them know if you’d like them to spend time with you, go grocery shopping, help prepare meals, organize childcare, or do the dishes. Some parents may also find that joining a support group, either online or in-person, helps provide a sense of community and understanding. Sharing experiences with others who have gone through similar situations can be reassuring and help reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness. Similarly, some parents may also find that listening to podcasts, such as Unexpecting, that feature personal stories about pregnancy loss helps them to feel less alone.
Find Ways to Honor Your Loss
Some parents find comfort in creating a ritual to mark the pregnancy and its loss. Planting a tree, doing a balloon release, donating breast milk, creating a scrapbook or memory box with keepsakes, and donating money to a cause for the loss are some ways to honor your loss.
Helping Siblings Grieve
How you discuss the loss with your children will vary depending on their age. In general, acknowledging and sharing your feelings with them, encouraging them to share their feelings with you, providing age-appropriate explanations about the loss, and including them in any memorial activities can help them process their emotions and feel supported. Many parents find that media, such as TV shows and books, is a helpful tool when having age-appropriate conversations about grief and loss with their children. TV shows such as Sesame Street, movies like CoCo and Onward, and books such as The Memory Box and Grief is an Elephant may be helpful when discussing grief and loss with younger children. For additional resources, check out our resource list, which provides additional recommendations for children’s books about grief.
Finally, touching base with your children’s teachers and school counselors may be helpful before they return to school.
Seek Professional Help
For some parents, pregnancy loss can lead to mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). If you find that mental health symptoms are interfering with your functioning or persist for more than a few weeks, you may benefit from talking with your healthcare provider or meeting with a mental health professional.
At Ebb & Flow Psychological Associates, we understand the profound impact of pregnancy loss and the emotional toll it can take. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Our compassionate team of therapists specializes in grief, trauma, and reproductive mental health, providing a safe space for you to process your emotions and find healing at your own pace. If you’re ready to seek support, we’re here to walk alongside you. Reach out today to learn how we can help.
How to Support a Friend or Loved One Through Pregnancy Loss
When a friend or loved one experiences a pregnancy loss, many people are unsure of what to say or how to help.
How to Be There for Someone Grieving a Pregnancy Loss
Respect Their Boundaries: Some parents may feel comfortable discussing their experiences openly, while others might need time and space. Respect their preference and adjust your support accordingly.
Listen: Oftentimes, the best support comes from simply being present and listening without judgment or trying to “fix” things.
Offer Practical Support: Help reduce their stress by offering practical support. Preparing meals, handling household chores, helping with post-loss doctor’s appointments, and organizing childcare can go a long way.
What to Say (and Not to Say) To Someone Coping With Pregnancy Loss
When supporting a loved one who has experienced a pregnancy loss, your words can have a lasting impact. Here’s what to keep in mind:
What Not To Say:
“At least you were early in your pregnancy. Better for this to happen now, before you really knew the baby.”
“You should be grateful for the children you already have.”
“You’re young, you can try again.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Although well-intentioned, these phrases can come across as dismissive and invalidating.
What To Say:
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m here for you.”
Ebb & Flow Counseling + Coaching is Here to Help: Support for Pregnancy Loss
If grief from pregnancy loss becomes overwhelming or disrupts your ability to function, professional support can provide the guidance you need. Our team of experienced and compassionate counselors at Ebb & Flow Counseling + Coaching are here to walk alongside you, offering a safe and supportive space to process your emotions. We provide evidence-based therapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to help address the emotional and psychological challenges that come with loss.
Healing takes time, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Whether you’re seeking tools to navigate your grief, a space to share your story, or support in finding a way forward, we’re here to help. Reach out today to connect with a therapist who understands and can support you in this journey—when you’re ready, we’ll be here.
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