The holiday season is often a time for gathering with family and friends, celebrating from Thanksgiving to New Year. However, it is only natural that this time reminds us of the loved ones who are no longer with us and absent from those celebrations. Coping with grief during the holidays is especially challenging as the season’s joyful atmosphere contrasts with feelings of loss.
Grief shows up in a variety of ways, including but not limited to sadness, guilt, restlessness, problems concentrating, irritability and helplessness. Symptoms can be both psychological and/or physical such as abdominal upset, tiredness, chest tightness, tension. These experiences may occur in isolation or simultaneously with other symptoms associated with loss. The potential for a combination of intense emotional experience makes understanding and tackling grief a complex task. Grief is often understood through the metaphor of waves; sometimes the feelings of grief are calm with the occasional subtle wave lapping at your shore while other times the waves can come crashing in unexpectedly. Whether you have lost someone recently or years ago you have a right to your feelings of grief.
In this post you will find a collection of activities you can do to help process feelings of grief and loss that might arise during the holidays.
Acknowledge and Accept Your Grief: There’s Nothing to Hide
There is no “right” way to grieve, and there’s no specific timeline for processing loss. It is important to let go of any guilt you might have around experiencing these feelings. Avoiding, hiding, or bottling up your emotional experiences can intensify symptoms, making them harder to manage. Understanding and accepting the presence of your grief is the first step to working through loss. A helpful tool for working through grief is the RAIN method, which promotes mindfulness and helps you to be compassionate to yourself when feelings of grief arise.
Recognize
Name what you are feeling. Is your grief presenting as thoughts or do you sense your feelings in your body? Are they emotional, physical, or both?
Allow it
Let yourself sit in the emotions. Pushing it away can lead to the feelings increasing and becoming overwhelming. Grief is a normal response to loss and its okay you are feeling this.
Investigate
Explore your thoughts. Has something in your environment triggered these feelings? Are you stressed, tired, or hungry? What do you think you and your grief needs at that moment?
Nurture
Lastly, be kind to yourself! Tell yourself something that comforts you such as “You got this,” “I am okay,” or an alternative affirmation. Think about something positive in your life at the moment. Once your thoughts and reactions to this wave of grief have calmed, continue about your day.
In addition, many communities, cultures, and religions have traditions around grief. Consider if any of these traditions align with your own identity and reflect on if they could provide comfort during the holiday season.
Find Ways to Express Grief
Odds are if you feel absence of a loved one, your friends and/or family members (siblings, children, cousins) may be feeling it too. Talking about grief with family and friends can reduce feelings of isolation during this difficult time.
For children, who may struggle to express their feelings, books about loss can help start the conversation. Children’s books provide readers with the language to discuss loss with children in a developmentally appropriate way.
Here is a list of recourses to have on your shelf during the holiday season if your children are also navigating feelings of loss.
Creative expression can also be a powerful outlet for grief. Consider these activities:
Feeling Drawings: Use different colors and materials to represent your emotions. This activity is suitable for all ages and helps externalize complex internal feelings. The endless color combination and overlapping textures can adequately express the complex set of symptoms that often comes with grief.
Writing Letters: Write to your loved one. Put onto paper the recent thoughts you had of them and any feelings or apprehensions who have for the upcoming holiday celebrations.
Memory Boxes: Gather photos, mementos, notes, or anything else that remind you of your loved one. This can be a solo activity or a collaborative effort with family, offering a tangible way to honor their memory. The box can be stored away and brought out whenever you feel you need a moment of reflection.
Storytelling: Tell stories of happy times spent with the person, memories that you hold, and the holiday traditions that you shared with them.
Managing Emotions While Navigating Grief
Expressing your grief allows you to learn and understand your grief, its triggers, and tools that help you persevere through challenging emotions. Holidays often come with expectations and obligations. Setting boundaries can protect your emotional well-being. Be intentional about the traditions, activities, and events you choose to participate in, focusing on those that bring joy or comfort.
Here are additional strategies to manage grief during holiday gatherings:
Create a List of Calming Strategies: Identify coping techniques that work for you, such as deep breathing, going for a walk, listening to music, reading, etc. If you have a thought out list of successful coping skills, it will be easier to select one to use when you are feeling overwhelmed during a holiday gathering.
Plan Simple Daily Rewards: Each day, plan something simple and rewarding that you can look forward to. You can use this plan to redirect your thoughts should feelings of grief arise during the day.
Set boundaries: Set boundaries around what you are and are not willing to do this holiday season can set you up for success. Focus on your favorite traditions, activities, or meals and allow yourself to say no to that one coworker’s holiday party.
While established traditions you shared with your loved one may look different this year, give yourself permission to still enjoy celebrations. Remember that grief is a normal response to loss and the waves of grief will mellow with time as you welcome new holiday traditions.
Professional Support for Grief During the Holidays Through Ebb & Flow
If grief becomes overwhelming or disrupts your ability to function, professional support can provide the guidance you need. Our team of experienced and compassionate counselors and coaches at Ebb & Flow Counseling + Coaching are here to provide support and guidance tailored to your specific needs. Let us help you navigate the challenges of loss with tailored counseling and coaching services.
Reach out today to take the first step toward a more peaceful and fulfilling holiday season.
References
The Center for Prolonged Grief. (2023). Guides + other resources. Columbia University https://prolongedgrief.columbia.edu/resources/
Degges-White, S. (November 29, 2022). Working through grief during the holidays
Grief: triggers appear everywhere when significant holidays arrive. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/202211/working-through-grief-during-the-holidays
DeSieno, L. (November 28, 2022). Grief and loss throughout the holiday season. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/grief-and-loss-throughout-the-holiday-season
Mughal, S., Azhar, Y., Mahon, M. M., & Siddiqui, W. J. (2023). Grief Reaction and Prolonged Grief Disorder. StatPearls Publishing.
Tara Brach. (2022, February 25). Blog: The RAIN of Self-Compassion. https://www.tarabrach.com/selfcompassion1/
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